How to Stop Wanting More

How often do we try to convince ourselves that we have had enough, that we don’t want more? I find the word enough to be a tricky one as, when we use it as a measuring stick, we can often get stuck in an endless loop of battling ourselves, trying to convince ourselves that we don’t want more.

I am experiencing, in dropping my son off at college again, the trickiness in the concept of enough.  As much as I can reframe my thoughts around the time I have had with him, in a way, it will never be enough.  My heart will always be wanting one extra moment, one extra hug, one extra laugh, one extra conversation before I leave him.  

I write this last line with tears rolling down my cheeks, which is always my litmus for stating the truth.  Often when I’m talking to my own coach or best friend, trying to figure out what something I’m stuck on is really about, if I start to tear up or cry I know I’ve hit upon something that is true for me.  

So this morning, at 3 am, lying awake in my hotel room in the town where my son goes to college as he sleeps in his new apartment, I find myself pondering the concept of enough that my brain and heart are so programmed to use as a measuring stick.  Maybe my desire to want more actually communicates how much I value or cherish something.  And if time with my son is something I cherish, I will always want more, there will never be enough.  

Looking back over the past few weeks, I realize that looking at things through the lens of “this should be enough” has kept me in my head, pulling me out of the present moment and missing the beauty of our time together.  I am reminded of mindfulness, the concept of being fully immersed in the present moment.  Using mindfulness helps me focus on soaking up the full experience of the moments I have with my son. It helps me to cherish the conversations we have and his quirky sense of humor.  It helps me allow my heart to feel all the joy, love, fulfillment, and yes some sadness, that are present in these fleeting moments. 

I will always want more moments with my son.  They are something I deeply cherish and, therefore, I will never feel that I’ve had enough.  But maybe that’s okay, and enough stops being my measuring stick.